Things are Changing in Provo
Posted in August 28th, 2010 by Phil | Filed under My Life | Comments (4)
It’s fall, and in a valley with two major universities and the hub of social life for most single Mormon’s in the world, that means things are changing. You see, I’ve been thinking about this for the last little while and after today’s experiences I feel I need to write about. (That coupled with an insistence to write from @saintassassinx, @craltom, @tsaltom, and @miwahall) Let me preface my remarks by saying that I love Provo, Utah County, and the fact that I’m LDS.
This started the other day as I was driving around Provo around noon. I found myself frustrated in a gridlock of the most retarded traffic I have ever experienced in my life. Now I know for a fact that anyone reading this, who has embarked to the local Macey’s between 10AM and 3PM knows exactly what I am talking about. The foray of vehicles in front of me was ludicrous. Every car was moving about 20 MPH in a 35 MPH zone, and they made the most ridiculous and random lane changes I have ever seen. I ended up riding my already grinding brakes because I wasn’t sure who was going where and when and all I could do in my frustrated state was groan in frustration and take a long way to my destination.
Why? Why on Earth would the fast driving, road rage filled Utah County residents move that slow and that stupid through the streets of Provo? It’s unexplainable, and it is driving me nuts. It wasn’t until Friday August 27th that I realized I wasn’t alone in my psychosis. I had just left the driving range with my friend Chris Evans and we encountered a similar struggle as we passed BYU. A flood of cars blocked the road at about 7 PM which is just absurd. Chris, being the bright kid that he is, pointed out that BYU’s fall semester is starting. Lights started clicking and then I realized why I had been having such a ridiculous time driving around Provo, and I calmed a little.
That was great, until today. If you think driving in Provo is hard, wait until you step into a grocery store on the Saturday evening before school starts. As I turn into park, I signal for my parking stall and a dopey looking guy and gal decide they want to walk between my car and my spot. That caught my attention, but I wasn’t frustrated until they decided they didn’t remember where they had parked, and decided to debate it for a good 45 seconds right where I was trying to park.
The two finally decided to leave and allow me to park. I finally headed into the store where I realized why there were so many people at this particular store. 4 for $8 12 packs of Dr. Pepper, 7 UP brand drinks. Now one of the reason’s I went to this particular location was to purchase bottles of water. Needless to say, I ended up leaving with an assortment of soft drinks en lieu of my H2O. Now the point of this paragraph isn’t to elaborate on nor reiterate my love for Dr. Pepper. I wanted to explain the type of experience one could expect within the walls of the sacred edifice of a Utah County Macey’s. It’s mayhem.
The only thing I can think of to describe their behavior is this: If you want to judge a Mormon’s true commitment to a Christ like livelihood, watch them play sports, and watch them in a supermarket. That is just a little bit of humor, but I just wanted to give a list of things not to do in the supermarket, so here it is:
- Don’t walk side by side at the pace of a snail talking about your relief society message.
- Don’t stand in the middle of an aisle reviewing the products in front of you. No one can get by!
- Don’t cut in front of someone’s cart just to get a better spot in line. It’s rude and you never know when that customer might snap and go all Columbine on you (not saying I’m that person).
- Don’t stand in front of my parking spot. Why? I already addressed that earlier.
- Don’t leave your wallet in your car, forcing you to leave your groceries in the line and fetch your wallet from the opposite side of your Kia (that’s what I did after complaining about all of this stuff).
In the end, I’m one of those morons that I’m complaining about. I’ll just come out and admit it. But the beauty of being non-objective is that I don’t really have to admit that very often. I lapse like everyone else into moments of cliche stupidity. All I can say is I’m working on it. And if you know what I’m saying, you should comment because now I’m feeling pretty stupid. Yeah I can suck at times, but just be glad you have not seen me playing sports. If you have any thoughts, or advice, hit me up on twitter @phudson. My name is Phil Hudson, and I’m just like you.
August 29, 2010 at 11:38 am
Phil. I love you. Thank you for posting again.
You make me happy!
August 30, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Slow A drivers need to go back to where they came from! CAR POWER!!!
September 13, 2010 at 11:09 am
Slow A drivers need to go back to where they came from! CAR POWER!!!
I hope this makes you chuckle or gol!
September 13, 2010 at 11:12 am
Wow!
Slow A drivers need to go back to where they came from! CAR POWER!!!
I hope this makes you chuckle or gol!